


Hank McCoy's Complaint Against the Danger Room

by NotQuiteHydePark



Category: X-Men (Comicverse), X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Alliteration, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-26 02:38:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20922794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotQuiteHydePark/pseuds/NotQuiteHydePark
Summary: Hank would like the noise to stop. Being Hank, he has a poem about it.





	Hank McCoy's Complaint Against the Danger Room

Many merry mutants, mauling with metal  
Force me to flee with their fists and their fights:  
Such scraps startle sleepers and send me to scream.  
What voices like villains at vengeful volume!  
Telekinetics toss tables and tangle  
And our weather worker sends wind against walls.  
Snikt snikt! sounds one, snarling; another sends snow  
And hail at high speed upon hostile heads;  
One goes bamf! and bamf! bouncing on his blue heels.  
They skirmish and scrape and they spar and keep score;  
They fly and they fling their friends like fastballs  
And warn our winged man, “Whoa! out of the way!”  
With lasers and leaping and loud metal loads,  
They strike and they stretch their strong limbs of steel  
And drive into dregs many droids and drones.  
The Danger Room doesn’t go dark for one day!  
Professor X should explain these exertions  
Training his tyros at twelve and at ten.  
My live-in lab allows little latitude:  
I can’t concentrate with their cannonball crashes,,  
Their blasts and their blams!, great blows that draw blood,  
Still slam in my ears. I can’t slide back to sleep.  
I can’t stand such stress. O my stars and garters!  
Maybe Magneto can make them mute.  
If those callow kids won’t cool down or calm down,  
I’ll move myself out of the mansion this month  
And advise the Avengers, avoiding X-Men.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a revised version that follows the rules for this sort of verse more strictly. Hank based his poem on this one (in Middle English, but there's a list below for the weird words): https://www.theguardian.com/books/2012/feb/20/poem-of-the-week-the-blacksmiths


End file.
